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Mom Gets Paws

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One day I’m riding high on my seat in the car and the next I’m stuck in day care for a week. Not that it wasn’t fun. Au contraire, my furry frère. I had a freakin’ ball. But by the time mom came back to get me, I was exhausted. I even got limp tail. It’s a thing! I swear! Check WebMD under the “hunting dogs” tab. I played so much that my butt started to hurt from all the wagging. I wasn’t able to sit down comfortably for a few days after I got home, and when I wagged, my tail looked like a droopy comma. But I’m feeling much better now, thank you very much.

Mom didn’t come in to get me from day care. She sent a really big guy in a long coat and a furry hat instead. And when I got into the car, I saw why. She had TWO EXTRA LEGS!!! She must have put me in day care just so she could get an operation for new paws! I was super-excited, and a little bit jealous. Her paws attach at her underarms, which doesn’t seem very ergonomically correct to me, but I don’t know her surgeon, so I don’t feel like I can judge. Anyway, they’re metal with rubber feet. It freaked me out the first time she took them off to lie down. I barked a lot – I just wanted to express to her that removable paws are TOTALLY NOT NORMAL. She also swings them forward together at the same time, which also seems rather inefficient to me.

We spent a couple of days at home with the man in the long coat and the lady who looks like mom but is always yelling at me to get off the bed because she thinks I’ll step on mommy. At first I was pissed, because I like to sleep as close to mom as possible, usually with my face in her hair, because her head is nice and warm. But then I realized it was smarter that I sleep on the floor, because I could guard mom and her new paws. So I’ve taken my assignment very seriously. Mom is not allowed out of my sight for a SECOND. Even when she pees in the big white water bowl. If she closes the door, I talk to her through it to let her know I’m available in a pinch.

A couple of days ago, we all loaded up the car and the man in the long coat drove us many hours to a house I’ve been to before. It’s big and warm and there’s a lot of land to run around on. The snow was pretty deep when we arrived, so I decided I would take a giant dump in the laundry room instead of outside. I figured it would be more convenient to clean up if it was inside rather than in a pile of snow. No one thanked me for my thoughtfulness, but you can’t always count on humans to understand gestures of kindness like that, so I didn’t complain.

It’s not so bad up here. I have a big fluffy bed that the man in the long coat put right next to mom’s bed, and I stick as close to mom as possible all day and night. I have a giant squeaky ball I chew on to entertain her while she’s doing her exercises in bed. It’s a good arrangement all around. I just can’t wait until she learns to run on her new paws. Then we’re gonna’ have some real fun!

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