It’s been an exciting couple of weeks up here with mom and the two people who feed her. I’ve had the liberty of exploring the entire Connecticut landscape, and I’ve learned some things about nature that I’d like to share.
1. The fox does NOT say all that stupid crap the humans say he does in that song mom sings. The fox actually just wants to play. He interrupted me while I was pooping in the rhododendrons this morning. Just as I was about to hurl myself at him enthusiastically, I heard a loud banging on the kitchen window. Mom was waving her new metal paws at me and shouting. I think she was excited I was making a new friend. I chased him around for a little bit, but I got bored and he was fast, so the relationship never had a chance to flourish like I’d hoped.
2. Fish come from the sky. Cross my heart they do. I was racing along in the underbrush yesterday afternoon when that terrifying eagle swooped low over me and dropped something. After I recovered from my heart attack (I swear to dog that bird casts a shadow larger than a World War II bomber), I noticed that Mr. Fancy Audubon had dropped a rather large fish right in my path. I rushed back to the house to show mom my fresh catch. The loud man who cooks rushed out and grabbed the fish away from me and put it in a plastic bag. I’m sure he fried it up for mom for dinner.
3. Field mice run really, really fast. They are only slightly more fun to chase than dead birds. With dead birds, I have to dig really deep below the permafrost to fish one out of its hiding place. Then I can toss it around and watch it spin across the icy snow pack. Confession: I may or may not have used my active pursuit of the field mouse as an excuse to ignore the giant possum lurking around the side of the garage. Mom was all, “Phew!” that I didn’t see the possum, and I was all like, “Thanks!” to the field mouse for keeping up the running-away charade, and the mouse was like, “Please don’t eat me!” So that whole thing was worth a good laugh.
4. I’ve discovered some stuff to add to my list of Stuff That Freaks Me Out: large pillows on small chairs, hanging laundry, newspapers, placemats, people who come within four feet of mom, crinkly packages, going out the front door, coming in the front door, the garage door. Also…sort of a little bit of everything else.
Life back in the ‘burbs is going to feel a little boring after all this.