Deep thoughts are best processed while wearing sunglasses.
Deep thoughts are best processed while wearing sunglasses.

Welcome to Wednesday’s Deep Thoughts (a not-regularly-occurring feature of this blog).

  • My dad pronounces Cuban revolutionary Che Guevara’s name with a soft “ch.” So it sounds like he’s talking about a French restaurant instead of an infamous Marxist.
  • Tiger Balm is not effective on chapped lips.
  • If it smells like cinnamon and sugar and it’s warming in a crockpot in the corner of the room on the floor, chances are it’s potpourri and not apple cider.
  • There is only one thing worse than mixing up the baby’s diaper rash ointment tube with the toothpaste tube, and that’s putting toothpaste on the baby’s diaper rash.
  • It’s smart to place the tub of makeup remover face wipes in a very different place than the tub of flushable toilet wipes. Ditto the Lysol wipes.
  • Air freshener and hairspray do not do the same things to your hair, despite the similar packaging. Ditto Lysol. Freakin’ Lysol.
  • Look before you eat. Turns out you didn’t leave a stash of Goldfish crackers in your jacket by mistake. Also, the dog is pissed because you just threw a handful of her favorite treats down your gullet.
  • When your sister and your boyfriend’s sister have the same name, try not to drunk text your sister. Because it probably isn’t your sister. (This story will become funny in a few years.)

I close with this text message exchange, courtesy of Siri and iPhone autocorrect:

Pierre: The kids’ math Tudor just got here.

Me: Ha ha! I just pictured an Englishman in full regalia tromping around the living room reciting equations.

Pierre: Actually I think he’s Polish.